There is a Matt Maher song that says, “And forever and ever His heart is my home”. I have always liked that image: Jesus’ heart is my home! Maybe that is a form of the sacred heart?! Maybe it is simply me!?
I found this image today that reminded me and I thought I would share:
I have vivid dreams. When I wake I am never sure if it was a dream or something that really happened. Sometimes that confusion can last for a couple of days and I have to remind myself that it was not real but a dream.
I have often wondered about the meaning of these dreams. Are they signs from the Holy Spirit? Or simply a physical reaction to chemicals in my brain?
Well, I am not the only person who has wondered about the topic! I have been reading Richard Rolle’s The Form of Living. It is less rule than a guide to anchorite ascetics. Rolle discusses dreams – “our enemy will not allow us to relax when we are asleep”. Yes, sometimes they are from God but often they are simply neurotransmitters firing in your brain.
Maybe it is living basically alone that means I have vivid dreams? Or maybe it is the way that God has made me? But I have found Rolle helpful – move on and trust Jesus.
The Church is neither left-wing nor right-wing. It is both conservative and revolutionary. It seeks the transformation of the individual at the most fundamental level.
The Most Rev’d & Rt Hon Archbishop of Canterbury on April 28, 2022
I know I have not written much in the last week or so. Just have not had the energy to think much. I even find reading hard at the moment. So have been trying to do other things – more creative stuff. (I have been researching frumenty – medieval porridge. I really want to try it!)
I have returned to the approach that helped me through my last depressive episode – two goals a day. So today I have done my two goals so I can relax for the rest of the day. I am not really depressed, more stressed by life. I realise that I live in an extremely stressful context at the moment. But knowing and feeling are two completely different things for me.
So I am still here. I still have two meetings today but they will be ok – I hope!
The Evangelical revival in Scotland encouraged both much stricter conditions being placed on admission to Holy Communion and the maintenance of traditional discipline within the established church. … Lesser transgressors could be ordered by the kirk session to stand before the congregation for up to three Sundays, sometimes wearing sackcloth, and publicly acknowledge their sins before ‘being subjected to a “rant” from the minister’.
Nothing like a good rant from the minister!
I have included a new warning sign on the sidebar. Just in case you mistake me for someone qualified or with authority.
This day (liturgically) last year was a complete disaster. I think Holy Week last year was about as low as I have been.
This year has been a little different but I still feel the absence of people.
Yesterday I sat outside and read some Thomas Merton. I have not read any Merton for a long time – maybe a year or so. I used to be in love with him and the type of freedom that he proclaimed.
Well, yesterday, when I sat and read him, I was somewhat disappointed. I found him very restrictive. And, at times, very old fashioned. Maybe it is because he was Roman Catholic? Or maybe because he embraced vowed monastic life? I was struck by how his writings are rather simplistic in that all the questions are answered by obedience. Very Benedticine! There is a sense, in my present state of mind, that for him life is about surrendering your will and by that becoming your true self.
Anyway, I was struck by how life moves on and changes. The things of primary importance yesterday, are no longer at the front of the line.
I have been meaning to write this for a couple of days. While having a coffee I was challenged (indirectly) by someone to move from “accept to expect”. And I have been reflecting on that for a couple of days.
I really like that! Not “I accept God will come to my help” but “I expect God to come to my help”. I think there is a sense of action in being “expectant” on God. As the shift from “choice” to “resolution” is a movement toward action, from possibility to actuality, so “accepting” to “expecting” is a movement.
I think, in a way, that is the movement that Kierkegaard expects (!!) in faith. The change from possibility to actuality. The movement from having faith in Jesus to imitating Jesus in my daily life. Maybe that is what the Brethren of the Common Life called “conversion”. From the head to the heart?!
Is that too over the top philosophical?
During this morning’s meditation (doesn’t that sound grandiose) I was thinking about the reason for my love. And how I can love people I cannot be in the same room with! Sometimes I love people because we have a past together. We have shared experiences. Sometimes I love people because I can see a future with that person. We are walking in the same direction. Rarely it is both, and even more rare is loving people for the here and now.
Yet God loves us in the eternal now. It is not about what we bring or what we can do, he simply loves us. No matter who I was yesterday, God loves me. And no matter who I will be tomorrow, God loves me. It is eternal because it is beyond time – it is always “now”. And that eternal now is the person of Jesus. My role is simple to get into this Now – to find it in my rush and the pressure of the past and future.
Anyway, that is what I was thinking about.
I heard some words yesterday that I have not heard applied to me before: Major Depressive Disorder. They were not directed to me – the doctor had to ring for permission for my medication and was asked for the diagnosis, “Major Depressive Disorder”.
Is it a little like giving a name to a monster? “But you look ok”.
To be honest, I feel like a fake. All of this is my choice and I am simply lazy. I am waiting for the moment that someone sees through it all and calls me out of it. I wondered if the doctor was going to do it yesterday.
So change in medication and see. That is my life now – change and wait and see.
this solitary life 