Category: SolitaryLife

contemplative life?

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I have been thinking of how to “define” the contemplative life. And I stumbled across this:

Contemplation in this context does not mean contemplative prayer as such, but a quality of life that is contemplative: one that is lived vertically in relationship to God rather than horizontally in relationship to time and those around us.

SLG, Sisters of the Love of God. Monastic Vocation (p. 54). SLG Press. Kindle Edition.

The “context” is the enclosure. But the definition works well for the solitary life.

The Anchorage

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Write about your dream home.

The house I live in right now! I know that is a little boring but it is actually true. And it is not about the physical side of the house. It has a place to pray, a useful kitchen, and a place to sleep. It also has room for my books. What makes it a home is the connection to the community of faith – past, present, and future – that it proclaims to me and to the community that walks past the front door.

While I do not see or interact with a lot of people, I know I am part of a community. And that is what moves it from a physical house to a home. Yes, the community stresses me (“me” as a particular individual with their own problems) but it also protects me and helps me to truly find myself.

I am truly in love with this place. It is also a house that is set aside by the faith community for prayer and solitude. It is a liminal space – in the world but not of the world. In fact, I am very much hoping to end my days living here in this community.

people!

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Is there anything you feel too old to do anymore?

Ok, I’ll bite – what am I too old to do anymore? People! Not that people are “wrong” or I am a misanthropist. I like people. But only in small amounts.

I find an “encounter” with a person very draining. That is a real interaction which is not transactional. To put it another way, to see a person as an end in themselves and not a means to an end for me. Not what I can get out of the interaction but what I can give to the other person as a person and not an object. Yes, I can transact business with people – I can go to the shops or get a coffee and not freak out. But I do not want to transact with people, I want to encounter people. And that means I can only take so much!

That sounds like a backhanded compliment to myself!? It has taken me a long time to work all of that out. Aloness, for me, is not about the evil of people but rather about being ready for the goodness of people.

Sorry if that makes no sense.

hermit of the heart

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Instead, the practice of a contemplative is to enter a sort of suspended time in which he feels alone in the presence of God. “You could say the Centering Prayer in Grand Central station at 2 p.m.,” says Brother Horton. “I wouldn’t recommend it for a beginner, but I’ve done it. It’s like breathing.”

A Hermit of the Heart

I just wanted to share the above – a number of “Anglican solitaries” mentioned. Read!

Day 100

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Today is 100 days in The Anchorage. It has been strange at times. And often I wonder what I am doing here. But it has been spiritually rewarding. Mass today was magnificent with a great sermon. And Jesus is present!!!!!

The image above is a crucifix that I have carried with me.

the luxury of silence

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What do you enjoy doing most in your leisure time?

What is “leisure time”? The absolute beauty of my life is that it is filled with the luxury of silence. Not silence in the absence of noise. But silence is a personal choice to be in the presence of Jesus. So everything I do is done in the presence of Jesus – in the luxury of silence.

The solitary life – however it is defined – is about that luxury. It is the presence of Jesus.

meeting a person

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Today is the Conversion of St Paul. Paul did not meet an idea, a book, or a set of doctrines. Paul met the Person of Jesus on the road to Damascus. Conversion is an encounter with a Person!!!!!!

crisis 1

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I know this will be the first of many but, yes, crisis time: what on earth am I doing here? It has only taken 96 days.

I am peopled-out – I have had meetings that have overloaded me. I am trying to find silence (and prayer) between meetings rather than trying to fit the meetings into the time I have between silence (and prayer). I have had no time to sit. And when I sit, I think about the meetings or what I need to do. I am not sleeping well, maybe due to the weather. Nightmares and weird vivid dreams. I have had way too much sugar and am not eating well.

I would like a certain amount of anonymity but my ego is so big that I also would like a certain amount of fame. Or, in a less negative way, what if God has given me something to say? Experience teaches me that periods of depression are connected with deep insights. And that is happening.

So there you have it: my solitary life.

here and now

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What’s your dream job?

Oh wow! This one I will answer. As Fat Boy Slim said, “Right here and right now”.

I am very happy where I am right now. I am not sure if it is a job or a calling?! But my life at the moment is pretty great. For the first time in my life, I am not waiting for a better day or waiting on another person. I am simply me right now.

I am trying to be content with “right now”. Sometimes I long for a past that I cannot make into a present; sometimes I wish for a future that is not yet nor may ever be. The reality is that I am still working on my mental health, my relationships, and my sense of “me”. But I have a context. Kierkegaard considers monasticism an “existential stance” – I guess that about says it all.