another clown
Category: SolitaryLife
living sacrifice
Father, we offer ourselves to you
APBA, Prayer after Communion
as a living sacrifice
through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Send us out in the power of your Spirit
to live and work for your praise and glory.
The New Life in Christ
Romans 12:1-2
I appeal to you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds, so that you may discern what is the will of God—what is good and acceptable and perfect.
Sacrifice is surrendering a good for a greater good. It is the flip side of sin, choosing a lesser good over a greater good. For me, sacrifice is a part of my daily life: to always choose Jesus!
inward authority
There in a cell abutting on the church, which had been empty for some time, and without the usual induction by the bishop and no solemn blessing, but only the inward authority of the Holy Spirit, he buried himself with Christ, shortly to be transformed with him in a sort of resurrection glory: in newness of life, in cheerfulness of spirit, in the power of signs, in the grace of prophecy.
The Life of Wulfric of Haselbury, Anchorite
who is Jesus for me?
It is a question of understanding my own destiny, of seeing what the Deity really wants me to do; the thing is to find a truth which is truth for me, to find the idea for which I am willing to live and die. … I still accept an imperative of knowledge, and that through it one can also influence people, but then it must be taken up alive in me, and this is what I now see as the main point.
1 August 1835
Is there a difference between “Jesus died for sin” and “Jesus died for my sin”?
joke?
Have you ever thought that all of this is a cosmic joke? It’s a mistake, and the joke is on me. That feeling that I am completely out of place, out of time, out of sync with the world around me. There is an inside joke called “life”, of which I am simply not part.
I have felt that more in the last couple of months, and I censor myself to fit in, making myself small to fit into other people’s views of me. I have not spoken up and allowed my silence to be consent. It is a learned stress response. It is a way to escape and internalise everything until the balloon is full and “pops” with much noise. And I want to run, perhaps to see if people will miss me.
When is “enough” enough? Where do you draw the line? I fool myself into thinking that I am open-minded, yet even I have my limit. But where is that invisible line? I think I am on the threshold. I feel like I am drowning. Or being fed a diet of air. Why do I hide my thoughts and ideas for “peace”? Is that life with other people?
Being alone is great. Refreshing. Upbuilding. Perhaps the context has to change?
One of my favourite Kierkegaard quotes is from Sickness Unto Death:
The formula that describes the state of the self when despair is completely rooted out is this: in relating itself to itself and in willing to be itself, the self rests transparently in the power that established it.
So, I pray for what I fear most: having my “self” transparent in Jesus.
cell of the heart
This term is applied to Religious who stay within a particular convent or monastery – the ‘enclosure’ – to pursue more effectively a life of prayer. They would usually only leave the enclosure for medical treatment or other exceptional reasons. This rule is intended to help the enclosed Religious be more easily protected from the distractions and attentions of the outside world.
Glossary – Anglican Religious Life Yearbook
- There is an outer enclosure—a defined space governed by law or freely chosen in love.
- There is the inner enclosure—a private space within the defined space, a cell only for the individual. Defined by either law or freely chosen in love.
- The enclosure of the heart is a place of meeting where only Jesus may enter—the place of free love.
The outer serves the inner. And all points to Jesus.
… becoming free
If the monastic ideal is to attain a creative spiritual freedom, if the monastic ideal realizes that freedom is attainable only in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, and if the monastic ideal asserts that to become a slave to God is ontologically and existentially the path to becoming free, the path in which humanity fully becomes human precisely because the created existence of humanity is contingent upon God, is by itself bordered on both sides by non-existence, then is such an ideal Christian? Is such an ideal Biblical—New Testamental? (The Byzantine, Ascetic and Spiritual Fathers)
Sánchez-Escobar, Ángel F.. ON ASCESIS AND HESYCHASM, AND THE CHURCH FATHERS (Books on Christian Orthodoxy) (p. 47)
two years
Today is my second anniversary in The Anchorage. Much has changed, and much has stayed the same. I thought that the opening song from Spongebob Squarepants is an appropriate thing to share today.
I have no deep insights or epiphanies. My life has evolved (as it should), and I have become clearer about where I am going. I cried for the first time here last week.
An oddball is a person who refuses to accept abstract norms as universal. And I guess I am an oddball. To be honest, that often really hurts. It is nice to be understood by someone and to offer your heart to someone. The life lesson of the last two years is “set your eyes on Jesus.” I have questions that return. And I have no answers. But answers are overrated. Perhaps a line from Thomas Merton will sum up:
I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
… something to think about
I read the above and thought it was interesting. (I will not quibble about using the term “hermit”!)
There is a difference between being called to solitude—to a life of focus on Jesus—and choosing to isolate yourself for personal growth. In baptism, each person is asked, “Do you turn to Christ?”. It is our common vocation to find a personal and unique answer. Sometimes, we are called to a particular place. Jesus went into the desert after his baptism, and some people are still called to the desert – to “white martyrdom”. (And, like Jesus, to enter a different fight.) So, the desert is not a call to isolation or personal growth but to follow Jesus in a particular place. It is to be anchored both in the person and the context.
Being alone and following Jesus into the desert is not always the same. Anyway, read the post!!!!
wait on God alone in stillness
Refrain: Wait on God alone in stillness, O my soul.
Common Worship, Psalm 62
1 On God alone my soul in stillness waits; ♦
from him comes my salvation.
2 He alone is my rock and my salvation, ♦
my stronghold, so that I shall never be shaken.
3 How long will all of you assail me to destroy me, ♦
as you would a tottering wall or a leaning fence?
4 They plot only to thrust me down from my place of honour;
lies are their chief delight; ♦
they bless with their mouth, but in their heart they curse.
5 Wait on God alone in stillness, O my soul; ♦
for in him is my hope.
6 He alone is my rock and my salvation, ♦
my stronghold, so that I shall not be shaken. [R]
7 In God is my strength and my glory; ♦
God is my strong rock; in him is my refuge.
8 Put your trust in him always, my people; ♦
pour out your hearts before him, for God is our refuge.
9 The peoples are but a breath,
the whole human race a deceit; ♦
on the scales they are altogether lighter than air.
10 Put no trust in oppression; in robbery take no empty pride; ♦
though wealth increase, set not your heart upon it.
11 God spoke once, and twice have I heard the same, ♦
that power belongs to God.
12 Steadfast love belongs to you, O Lord, ♦
for you repay everyone according to their deeds.
Refrain: Wait on God alone in stillness, O my soul.
this solitary life 