Perhaps I have had many hard decisions to make? Not all are worth sharing, and some are very private. Also, most are painful and triggering.
But the clearest insight, and the hardest decision, is that I control who has access to me. No one has a right to me as a person or an individual. Yes, I have a duty to others, which is ultimately a duty to God, but that duty (to other people) is not my relationship with God – it is my duty to my neighbour. The call is to follow Jesus.
While the above is not a huge problem, no one has contacted me with demands for access. Yet, I feel I should be available to people more out of self-serving motives.
As I have written before, the thing that I pray for (solitary life) is also the thing I fear the most. The decision to control access, to deny access for some, is emotionally difficult and is the hardest decision I have had to make.
this solitary life 