Today is a strange day for me. I end one life and pick up an older one. It is not by choice (which makes it a little harder) but by Divine Providence. And, to be completely honest, I am feeling confuzzled – simultaneously confused and puzzled. Where from here?
I have a place I call home and I believe is my vocation. (Yes, the place is the vocation!) I have made this place right for me – it has a chapel and a library. I can walk to the shops, medical appointments, and church. (And, yes, the occasional hot chocolate ar Mr J’s.)
Yet I live here in a community that is in the midst of great change and uncertainty. I know (intellectually) that I can continue my vocation somewhere different. Yet I am not ready (emotionally) for that in any way. My role in this community is uncertain. And that really confuzzles me. I need to be silent.
So at the moment I feel lost, uncertain, and out of my “comfort zone”. I have prayed. And I fear. So I have prayed for that which I fear. Maybe it is me? (Most certainly it is me.) So, in this context, what do I choice?
this solitary life 