Author: a fool

All alone with Jesus

cat!

Daily writing prompt
Write about your first computer.
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My first computer was a Dick Smith’s Cat. I started with a tape drive but later got a floppy disk drive – the big one. It was a cool computer to start with and it taught me lots about computing. It had Basic installed so I learned to program. And, if I remember right, I wrote a “V” game with sound.

what is “all”?

I have been sick – not much sleep for the last two days. I am not sure how well my medication is working – I guess I will know when I get withdrawals. Anyway, I dreamt last night that I was walking into a church – a nondescript building which I somehow knew was a church. King of strange as I have not been to church for six weeks. There was no person in the church but a hymn was playing:

All to Jesus I surrender,
All to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
In his presence daily live.

Chorus:
I surrender all,I surrender all,
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that thou art mine.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Lord, I give myself to thee,
Fill me with thy love and power,
Let thy blessing fall on me.

Sometimes I remember my dreams. (I cannot know if I ever forget a dream!) The first thing that came to mind this morning was: What does “all” mean in this hymn? “All to Jesus I surrender – Lord, I give myself to thee”.

Maybe let me put it another way!? Does “all” include:

  • the institution of the church? or any institution?
  • the desire for certainty in this world? To find absolutes in either the community or the book?
  • morality?
  • duty?
  • family?
  • other people?

Anyway …

leave

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

Leave my current context! I know I should, I have been told by people I trust that I need to, and my heart says that this is no longer home. But it is so difficult for me to even think about it.

I say that I will when someone else acts. But it should be me. I have outstayed my welcome and really need to move on.

But …

silent rebellion

AM Allchin’s The Silent Rebellion is a book on religious life in the Church of England. I do not have a copy but I am looking for one.

It is often pointed out that the title, The Silent Rebellion, highlights the need for solitude for religious life. Yet, why “rebellion”? In what sense is it “a violent uprising“?

While I do not have an answer, this quote may help:

Their name itself, anchorite, means rule-breaker, the one who does not fulfil his public duties.

And maybe this one by Kierkegaard:

…Of this there is no doubt, our age and Protestantism in general may need the monastery again, or wish it were there. The “monastery” is an essential dialectical element in Christianity. We therefore need it out there like a navigation buoy at sea in order to see where we are, even though I myself would not enter it. But if there really is true Christianity in every generation there must also be individuals who have this need…

And from Fear and Trembling:

Faith is exactly this paradox, that the single individual is higher than the universal, but in such a way, mind you, that the movement is repeated, so that after having been in the universal he now as the particular keeps to himself as higher than the universal.

The tragic hero resigns himself in order to express the universal; the knight of faith resigns the universal in order to become the single individual.

The knight of faith, the rebel, stands with Jesus alone even against institutions. There is nothing higher than the individual’s relationship with Jesus – not even religion!

Anyway …

five wounds

O LORD Jesus Christ, Son of the living God, who didst come down from heaven to earth from the bosom of the Father, and didst bear five wounds on the Cross, and didst pour forth thy precious Blood for the remission of our sins: we humbly beseech thee; that at the day of judgement we may be set at thy right hand, and hear from thee that most comfortable word, Come ye blessed into my Father’s Kingdom; who livest and reignest with the Father, in the unity of the Holy Spirit, ever one God, world without end. Amen.

under his eyes

For a time I almost believed what I understood I was supposed to believe. I numbered myself among the faithful for the same reason that many in Gilead did: because it was less dangerous. What good is it to throw yourself in front of a steamroller out of moral principles and then be crushed flat like a sock emptied of its foot? Better to fade into the crowd, the piously praising, unctuous, hate-mongering crowd. Better to hurl rocks than to have them hurled at you. Or better for your chances of staying alive.

Atwood, Margaret. The Testaments

sacrifice and blood

O Lord and heavenly Father, we thy humble servants entirely desire thy fatherly goodness mercifully to accept this our sacrifice of praise and thanksgiving; most humbly beseeching thee to grant, that by the merits and death of thy Son Jesus Christ, and through faith in his blood, we and all thy whole Church may obtain remission of our sins, and all other benefits of his passion.

And here we offer and present unto thee, O Lord, ourselves, our souls and bodies, to be a reasonable, holy, and lively sacrifice unto thee; humbly beseeching thee, that all we, who are partakers of this holy Communion, may be fulfilled with thy grace and heavenly benediction.

And although we be unworthy, through our manifold sins, to offer unto thee any sacrifice, yet we beseech thee to accept this our bounden duty and service; not weighing our merits, but pardoning our offences, through Jesus Christ our Lord; by whom, and with whom, in the unity of the Holy Ghost, all honour and glory be unto thee, O Father Almighty, world without end. Amen.

Holy Communion

I love the traditional (1662) Prayer Book. Much upon which to meditate and reflect!