Author: a fool

All alone with Jesus

birth of John the Baptist

Today is the festival of the Birth (Nativity) of St John the Baptist. Even APBA has a festival office for the occasion. It is, as a personal note, the liturgical date that I started by journey within the Roman Catholic Church which came to an end almost 12 years later. There is something about that but that is for another post.

John is a hermit-like figure. In iconography, he often has the wings of a messenger and he carries his own decapitated head, a sign of his martyrdom at the hands of Herod. John’s task is to proclaim Jesus knowing that, like Jesus, that will cost his life.

The New Testament illustrates this connection. Mark’s gospel starts with John but quickly moves to Jesus. But there is bridge between the two ministries.

Now after John was arrested, Jesus came to Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God, and saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near; repent, and believe in the good news.”

Mark 1:14-15

The verb which is used for John’s arrest is the same verb that is used during Jesus’ passion. I think Mark wants us to draw the connection: John shares in Jesus’ cross with his own life. From the outset, he is a martyr – a witness of Jesus in his life. For John that becomes a truth – he is killed for Jesus. But there is a vital connection to my life:

As Jesus passed along the Sea of Galilee, he saw Simon and his brother Andrew casting a net into the sea—for they were fishermen. And Jesus said to them, “Follow me and I will make you fish for people.” And immediately they left their nets and followed him. As he went a little farther, he saw James son of Zebedee and his brother John, who were in their boat mending the nets. Immediately he called them; and they left their father Zebedee in the boat with the hired men, and followed him.

Mark 1:16-20

The previous passage is followed by the calling of the first disciples in Mark’s gospel. It is interesting that John’s call to martyrdom – call to be a witness in his life – is followed by Jesus saying, “Follow me”. The call of faith is to face Jesus’ cross and my own cross. The call is one to sacrificial living as a witness of Jesus.

So blessed feast to all!!!

my inwardness

I wonder if Søren felt like I sometimes do – that while my public Christian self can lead Bible studies and discuss theology, I am oddly hesitant to speak about my raw, honest connection with God – unlike the many forthright people who open their faithful hearts to anyone who will listen. I resonate with Søren as he reflects on his personal spiritual life: “My inwardness is too true for me to be able to talk about it.”

Praying with Kierkegaard

I am going to leave that as is!

Chernobyl

I watched the mini-series Chernobyl. I know there are issues with it – especially about what did and did not actually happen. As always the characters made it real for me. And, I admit, I still mourn Lane Pryce!

Surrender to the universal or stand by yourself. Advancement vs authenticity. What makes this more impactful is that these are real people with real choices. I was really struck by the end when pictures of the actual people are shown with their stories. And the personal cost of their choices.

Life is about choices. I think it is human nature to escape into the faceless crowd and push responsibility to an abstract. “I was just doing my duty”! The essence of faith is that I stand alone before God. I answer for me. That is really lonely in an existential sense. In the end, no one knows my pain or hurt, no one but me. There are things that go on in my head that only God knows. And He still loves me!!! Maybe the start of authenticity is accepting that I am alone before God?And the end is accepting that I am loved anyway!

life goes on

Last night was the last Bible Study for this term. I have mixed feelings about it. The night before I had another meeting. Both ended up being more stressful than I had thought – my fault not the meetings. I have a full day of meetings some of which I have no desire for. So I did not sleep well and I have woken with a headache (a by-product of the medication I am on).

I woke thinking about the above song. I was especially thinking about the line, “life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone”. In my 50s I am forced to completely restart. I have literally come back to my teenage years sleeping in the same bed, working in the same room, living in the same house. And I am not sure I can do it again!!!

Anyway, life goes on!

discipleship pathway

Until very recently I had not heard of discipleship pathways. I must admit, after reading about it a little online, I can see how a clear road for discipleship can be extremely helpful. So here is a link to a post I found helpful: How to Create a Discipleship Pathway.

I want to share just one point:

Celebrating success – which shapes your culture – becomes trickier if people have different views on what success looks like.

We need to be facing the same direction and aiming for the same goal.

Macarius of Egypt

I was reading about sketes (is that the plural?) yesterday. A skete is a monastic community of hermit at the time of the Desert Fathers. I think it is an interesting model for modern monasticism.

Macarius of Egypt

While reading I stumbled across St Macarius of Egypt. I was really struck by this part of his life:

… a pregnant woman accused him of having defiled her. Macarius did not attempt to defend himself, and accepted the accusation in silence.

I have been thinking about Jesus on the cross. The cross is that symbol of love that the world cannot understand. Becausen on the cross God said, “You cannot do it so I will!”. Like Macarius, Jesus accepted it in silence.

Lord, teach me silence!

faith and risk

Without risk, no faith. Faith is just this, the contradiction between the infinite passion of inwardness and objective uncertainty. If I can grasp God objectively, then I do not have faith, but just because I cannot do this, I must have faith. If I wish to stay in my faith, I must take constant care to keep hold of the objective uncertainty, to be ‘on the 70,000 fathoms deep’ but still have faith.

Kierkegaard: Concluding Unscientific Postscript (Cambridge Texts in the History of Philosophy), pp. 171-172.

“Without rish, no faith”, and “If I can grasp God objectively, then I do not have faith”. This is a great quote from CUP!