Day 5

24 June ~ a solitary ~ Leave a comment

Yesterday, for the first time this week, I had a face-to-face meeting. The people are nice but I was glad when it was over.

Being alone – solitude – makes me very cranky when I am not. Yet another character flaw. Some yesterday lamented that “being alone” made them depressed. One even mentioned that being alone for an extended period of time made them try to take their own life. I feel for people who live in the darkness without a way out. Yet I wanted to say that being with people is what makes me depressed! I think I am somewhat of a people-pleaser and I feel pressure to act a certain way. I have learned not to act like I think I should but rather to be me.

The realisation is that, for me, the sacrifice is not being alone – solitude – but rather being with people. Maybe I am completely selfish?! I will make the sacrifice for Jesus but I will also value and protect my solitude for Jesus. The natural rhythm of prayer, meditation, and reading gives me a peace that is beyond understanding.

It has taken me over 50 years to come to that conclusion and I know that I have responsibilities. But being alone recharges me!

Day 4

23 June ~ a solitary ~ Leave a comment

I have settled into a routine – prayer, meditation. reading and writing. But ….

My pen has run out of ink and my Kindle is out of power. So, in freedom, I can change my day round. I have a meeting tonight so I am going to relax a little this morning, do some other things that need doing, and start again with Prayer During the Day.

Last night, before going to sleep, it dawned on me that I had not thought about my death for the whole time here. I mean, wanting the pain to end. I feel settled and, for the first time in a very long time, balanced. I still have one foot in the world (especially in trying to close some past chapters) but I like having time to pray and meditate. And I have slept much better!

On meditating: it gets harder with time! Even in the nothingness of my life there is lots to plan and organise. So silence of mind is very hard for me at the moment. Maybe it has always been hard because I have lived my life in my head rather than my heart? But my heart has always been stronger and so there is no balance.

Heart of Jesus, I trust in you!

Day 2

21 June ~ a solitary ~ Leave a comment

[Yes, I know there is no Day 1 but I think it will become clear why in the post.]

So I am cat-sitting! (Not sitting upon the cat but looking after a cat while her “parents” are on a well earned holiday.) And I have decided to make this an “anchorite experiment” – that is, I am going to work on living like a modern day anchorite and see if I can work out some of the oddities into a modern context.

So, for starters, I have no servants – anchorites normally had at least two. The food preparation, planning, and shopping is up to me. I am somewhat glad as I am a fuzzy eater. That also means that I control who has access to me. (Normally the older servants was the guardian of access to the anchorite.) But by God’s grace this house is designed for that – it has a private area.

I have commitments that I will need (gladly) to keep – church meetings, the podcast production I am involved in, and, of course, weekly Eucharistic meetings at church. I do not have a squint to receive Communion. Some of the meetings while require me to travel, and some are online. So I am not enclosed like an anchorite of old. I have modern technology to help me – a little like the parlor window with its curtain.

This is Day 2 and I am still trying to work things out. I am keeping a more detailed journal. I have plenty to read. So follow here for some updates etc.

not only Jesus?

09 June ~ a solitary ~ Leave a comment

I try not to comment on what other people write. I try to limit myself to my reaction to a particular person’s views expressed in writing.

We need to widen our vision so that it is not only Jesus we focus on but the whole Trinity as that sublime communion of Persons at the core of all creation, holding all things in being (Acts 17:24-28; Hebrews 1:1–2).
We must rediscover worship and proclaim God’s unfailing love

I am not a doctor of anything – theology or philosophy. I will not comment on the above. I will leave it here for others to comment (if they like) or simply for you to meditate on.

in case …

06 June ~ a solitary ~ Leave a comment

I have been producing a podcast for the Anglican Renewal Network Australia.

In case you feel like giving it a listen:

on being a contemplative

30 May ~ a solitary ~ 1 Comment

I wanted to share this link:

‘Seven Minutes on Being a Contemplative’ with Sr. Cara

Go and listen!

openly in secret?

30 May ~ a solitary ~ Leave a comment

Yesterday’s sermon was about the Inbetween Times. It made me think of the monastic/religious life – a choice/vocation to inhabit the in-between times with purpose. And that made me think of this quote by the “the charismatic evangelical” Archbishop of Canterbury:

Life in Religion is the ultimate wager on the existence of God. The church should always be engaged in doing things that make no sense if God does not exist.
Most Revd Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury

The above is written for the Anglican Religious Life Year Book so when it speaks of “life in religion” it is about monastic life. And the reason most forms of contemplative life are so unknowable to modern society is because it is the “ultimate wager” and “makes no sense” without God.

I have also been thinking that the absolute relationship to the absolute telos should be lived openly in secret. “Enclosed in plain sight”, for a modern anchorite. A complete commitment to Jesus who lives in my heart and I in his. But without the outward trappings of the monastic life – habit and a change of name.

cloud of unknowing

16 May ~ a solitary ~ Leave a comment

I have been reading The Cloud of Unknowing. And I wanted to share the prayer it starts with, which is also the Collect for Purity that starts the Anglican Eucharist:

Almighty God,
to whom all hearts are open,
all desires known,
and from whom no secrets are hidden:
cleanse the thoughts of our hearts
by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit,
that we may perfectly love you,
and worthily magnify your holy name;
through Christ our Lord.
All Amen.

reading?

12 May ~ a solitary ~ Leave a comment

The second requirement is that in order to see yourself in the mirror when you read God’s Word you must (so that you actually do come to see yourself in the mirror) remember to say to yourself incessantly: It is I to whom it is speaking; it is I about whom it is speaking.
Kierkegaard

I have been following the General Synod of the Anglican Church of Australia. A little more like a spectator than a person who is involved. It is the community I call home but I am also somewhat distanced from it.

One of the things that struck me was the attempt to regulate how Scripture is read. Making statements about what Scripture does or does not say is difficult. But what worries me more is summed up in the quote above: Scripture is a mirror for me. I can take the Bible seriously without taking it literally. But above all else, it is always speaking to me and not to someone else.

And, morality is not a relationship with Jesus – the absolute telos and all that!?

neither do I

11 May ~ a solitary ~ Leave a comment

Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, sir.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go your way, and from now on do not sin again.”
John 8:10-11

I was thinking about the story of the woman caught in adultery. I was thinking about how the story ends with Jesus not condemning the woman. Compassion over law!

Category: Anglican