Category: Personal

dreams?

I have vivid dreams. When I wake I am never sure if it was a dream or something that really happened. Sometimes that confusion can last for a couple of days and I have to remind myself that it was not real but a dream.

I have often wondered about the meaning of these dreams. Are they signs from the Holy Spirit? Or simply a physical reaction to chemicals in my brain?

Well, I am not the only person who has wondered about the topic! I have been reading Richard Rolle’s The Form of Living. It is less rule than a guide to anchorite ascetics. Rolle discusses dreams – “our enemy will not allow us to relax when we are asleep”. Yes, sometimes they are from God but often they are simply neurotransmitters firing in your brain.

Maybe it is living basically alone that means I have vivid dreams? Or maybe it is the way that God has made me? But I have found Rolle helpful – move on and trust Jesus.

quick update

I know I have not written much in the last week or so. Just have not had the energy to think much. I even find reading hard at the moment. So have been trying to do other things – more creative stuff. (I have been researching frumenty – medieval porridge. I really want to try it!)

I have returned to the approach that helped me through my last depressive episode – two goals a day. So today I have done my two goals so I can relax for the rest of the day. I am not really depressed, more stressed by life. I realise that I live in an extremely stressful context at the moment. But knowing and feeling are two completely different things for me.

So I am still here. I still have two meetings today but they will be ok – I hope!

a rant from the minister

The Evangelical revival in Scotland encouraged both much stricter conditions being placed on admission to Holy Communion and the maintenance of traditional discipline within the established church. … Lesser transgressors could be ordered by the kirk session to stand before the congregation for up to three Sundays, sometimes wearing sackcloth, and publicly acknowledge their sins before ‘being subjected to a “rant” from the minister’.

Nothing like a good rant from the minister!

when life moves on …

This day (liturgically) last year was a complete disaster. I think Holy Week last year was about as low as I have been.

This year has been a little different but I still feel the absence of people.

Yesterday I sat outside and read some Thomas Merton. I have not read any Merton for a long time – maybe a year or so. I used to be in love with him and the type of freedom that he proclaimed.

Well, yesterday, when I sat and read him, I was somewhat disappointed. I found him very restrictive. And, at times, very old fashioned. Maybe it is because he was Roman Catholic? Or maybe because he embraced vowed monastic life? I was struck by how his writings are rather simplistic in that all the questions are answered by obedience. Very Benedticine! There is a sense, in my present state of mind, that for him life is about surrendering your will and by that becoming your true self.

Anyway, I was struck by how life moves on and changes. The things of primary importance yesterday, are no longer at the front of the line.

John 15

15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinegrower. 2 He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit he prunes to make it bear more fruit. 3 You have already been cleansed by the word that I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. 6 Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. 11 I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.
12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. 16 You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. 17 I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.