Category: Personal

layperson?

Yesterday, during “leadership prayers” before church, I had this strange inside: I like being part of a community of Christians within the Anglican tradition. I had this very strong sense that this was a new beginning for us as a community and for me as an individual. I have been struggling with a couple of issues and, as always, it has affected my sense of balance.

I have been thinking about what it means to be a layperson. And, in my case, a layperson with a theological degree. So a person who has the same academic qualification as a priest but has no desire to become clergy. I will add, a very happy Anglican! Experience has taught me that I do not have the gifts to run a parish or to be involved in the larger denominational context. I am somewhat of a free spirit and like my own agenda.

I have no desire to lead a parish (what a disaster that would be) and I do not want to celebrate the divine mysteries. Other people do that much better than I could ever do. I am happy to use my gifts within the liturgy as a layperson – serving or being Master of Ceremonies, and sacristan. In my current context, it means helping with the technology on a Sunday and setting up the altar before our service.

For my own mental health, I need to be in “the moment”. That means being what I am right now and not looking forward to a possible self that depends on others. And right now I am a “happy layperson” who sometimes teaches and sometimes helps in the parish. I like the freedom of being “without authority” (like SK!). I like that I am answerable to my vicar for what I teach and what I do.

I like the freedom of being an Anglican – the unity within diversity that means I can be “somewhat Catholic” within an emerging parish. A context where doctrine is a witness but not as important as Jesus. I want to be part of a context where the sign of the cross is as familiar as hands raised in praise. Individuals gathering around Jesus!

So a somewhat weird start to the week!!!

Spotify Greenroom

So, I read about Spotify Greenroom this morning. Yes, it is Clubhouse from Spotify and at the moment I think it is limited – or it might be me! But this would be a great platform for discipleship!!! That can be recorded into a podcast for further use. Anyway, I am excited!

Follow me, @onesolitaryanglican, and I will follow back.

my inwardness

I wonder if Søren felt like I sometimes do – that while my public Christian self can lead Bible studies and discuss theology, I am oddly hesitant to speak about my raw, honest connection with God – unlike the many forthright people who open their faithful hearts to anyone who will listen. I resonate with Søren as he reflects on his personal spiritual life: “My inwardness is too true for me to be able to talk about it.”

Praying with Kierkegaard

I am going to leave that as is!

Chernobyl

I watched the mini-series Chernobyl. I know there are issues with it – especially about what did and did not actually happen. As always the characters made it real for me. And, I admit, I still mourn Lane Pryce!

Surrender to the universal or stand by yourself. Advancement vs authenticity. What makes this more impactful is that these are real people with real choices. I was really struck by the end when pictures of the actual people are shown with their stories. And the personal cost of their choices.

Life is about choices. I think it is human nature to escape into the faceless crowd and push responsibility to an abstract. “I was just doing my duty”! The essence of faith is that I stand alone before God. I answer for me. That is really lonely in an existential sense. In the end, no one knows my pain or hurt, no one but me. There are things that go on in my head that only God knows. And He still loves me!!! Maybe the start of authenticity is accepting that I am alone before God?And the end is accepting that I am loved anyway!

life goes on

Last night was the last Bible Study for this term. I have mixed feelings about it. The night before I had another meeting. Both ended up being more stressful than I had thought – my fault not the meetings. I have a full day of meetings some of which I have no desire for. So I did not sleep well and I have woken with a headache (a by-product of the medication I am on).

I woke thinking about the above song. I was especially thinking about the line, “life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone”. In my 50s I am forced to completely restart. I have literally come back to my teenage years sleeping in the same bed, working in the same room, living in the same house. And I am not sure I can do it again!!!

Anyway, life goes on!