some Merton

If I know anything of intellectual honesty, and I am not so certain that I do, it seems to me that the honest position lies somewhere in between. Therefore the meditations in this book are intended to be at the same time traditional, and modern, and my own. I do not intend to divorce myself at any point from Catholic tradition. But neither do I intend to accept points of that tradition blindly, and without understanding, and without making them really my own. For it seems to me that the first responsibility of a man of faith is to make his faith really part of his own life, not by rationalizing it but by living it.

No Man is an Island, Prologue.

Hmmm?!

What quality do you value most in a friend?

I find this an impossible prompt to answer. I am not sure I have ever had a friend. Not due to other people. People are friendly to me. But I simply do not connect with people. And eventually everyone drifts away or gets sick of me.

So what do I value? Honesty with compassion. Also intellect.

Oak Apple Day

And they sent out unto him their disciples with the Herodians, saying, Master, we know that thou art true, and teachest the way of God in truth, neither carest thou for any man: for thou regardest not the person of men. Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not? But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites? Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny. And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription? They say unto him, Caesar’s. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s. When they had heard these words, they marvelled, and left him, and went their way.

Matthew 22:16-22

not many

What jobs have you had?

Jobs that I have had for pay are …

I have worked in retail selling white goods and furniture. Not much fun!

I worked in a call centre. Nearly destroyed me.

And, drum roll, I have worked as a minister of religion. Very rewarding at times but also soul destroying.

I have had many other jobs that did not pay but that is for another post.

hard to say …

Do you practice religion?

So the problem is … How does one define “religion”?

I am not part of an institution that is considered “religious”. I go not no church, either do I consider myself part of a denomitation. There is no collective answer for an individual problem. My sin, my problem!

Institution, no matter how holy and other-worldly, can answer for me. Yes, community is nice. But in the end I stand alone before God. Or, another way to put it, change for me comes from inside, never from outside.

I do, however, think of myself as standing within a tradition of spirituality. For me that is the Book of Common Prayer. But that is not the answer – it is simply a way to shape my life. It describes my life but does not define it.

The only answer to the problem of my darkness is the Light of Jesus. No one else can take the steps that I need to make. No one else can take responsibility for me. No one else can make the “act of faith” for me. Faith in Jesus is a resolution rather than a conclusion.

So do I practice a religion?

moonflower

“moonflower”

What do you do when you’re all grown up?
The heart of a child, but you gotta be tough
Scared to death to be alone
Feeling around for a hand to hold

Why did I start to think
I can’t walk if I can’t see?
When did I forget to need You?
I will let myself be weak
A vulnerable dependency
Strong enough to let You lead me

Through the dark
I wanna be where You are
Even through the dark
I wanna be where You are

What do you do when the darkness falls
And nobody thought to leave the light on?
Well, I don’t really like this place
But I will trust You anyway
Take my hand and lead the way

Into the dark
I wanna be where You are
Even in the dark
I wanna be where You are

And they tell you to grow up
To stop being scared
But what do you do when
You still want your dad there?
I know that I’m older
But it’s still the same
The moment I need You
You’re coming my way

And they tell you to grow up
To stop being scared
But what do you do when
You still want your dad there?
I know that I’m older
But it’s still the same
The moment I need You
You’re running my way

In the dark
I wanna be where You are
Even in the dark
I wanna be where You are

I heard about a garden
Somewhere south of London
Where moonflowers are hanging overhead
And though they’re lovely in the light
The gardener said, “Come back tonight
The darkness makes the fragrance rise”