things eternal

O God, the protector of all who trust in you,
without whom nothing is strong, nothing is holy:
increase and multiply upon us your mercy;
that with you as our ruler and guide
we may so pass through things temporal
that we lose not our hold on things eternal;
grant this, heavenly Father,
for our Lord Jesus Christ’s sake,
who is alive and reigns with you,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and for ever.

Common Worship

I wanted to share the above collect from Common Worship – the collect for this last week. Every day I have been struck by the line: “we may so pass through things temporal that we lose not our hold on things eternal“. It is the struggle of all followers of Jesus: to live in this world without being part of this world.

I think theologians have tried to bring balance to this paradox in various ways. But in the end both are gifts from God: the temporal and the eternal. The call is to see the eternal in the temporal and thereby bring the temporal into the eternal.

I like Common Worship more everyday.

Day 27 – freedom?

Today is an important day. But, as is now traditional, it will pass in solitude and quiet. I did my usual things this morning: feed the cat, pray, and meditate. I had to get some items ready for church tomorrow. But before that I did another Covid test – still negative.

I have been thinking a lot of freedom. Freedom is a necessity for love. With out free choice there is no love for the other. So freedom, in what ever form it comes, is about the ability to chose another. Or, freedom to love.

I think the modern idea is the opposite: freedom from responsibility. There is a sense that freedom is the human right to “do what you want” and thereby making it right. When I cannot do what I want, I am no longer free – I am enslaved. Freedom does not, however, remove the consequences, nor the responsibility for my actions.

I am not sure I have a real understanding of freedom yet. I think there is a sense in which the anchorite life, especially in the anchorite guidance literature, is all about being free for Jesus. Removing the temporal to focus on the eternal. The anchorite of old knows they are on the threshold but their focus is on the eternal Word. So it is freedom to be present now with Jesus.

Anyway, what would I know!

Day 26 – all is gift

I was awake well before my alarm. So I prayed a little in bed. Then fed the cat, prayed, and meditated. I listen to a podcast today in which the presenter mused on the saying, “All is neutral”. He was trying to say that I reaction to an event is the thing we can change and not the event itself. So the event is neutral – neither good or bad.

I was thinking about that during meditation this morning. And something bothers me about that saying. Everything is not neutral because everything is made by God to be good. So I was thinking that the saying should really be, “All is gift”. Often hard to see from this side!

And I was adding into the mix that was my meditation this morning this quote:

Vocation is a gradual revelation—of me, to myself, by God—it is who we are, trying to happen.

Evelyn Underhill

I really like the idea that God is showing me “me” through my vocation. Now what is my vocation is a completely different question. But that too is a gift!

Enneagram Type Nine

I watched a series yesterday about “Becoming a Mystic”. Maybe a better title would be “How to live more like a follower of Jesus”? One of the things suggested is to do the hard work of self-discovery. (Like, for example, live like an anchorite for a time and read lots of books.) So this morning, in an attempt to meet “me”, I did the Enneagram test, which I have not done previously, and I am Type Nine.

Now all of that means nothing to me. So I went where I normally go for insight, Amazon. I found some books that I can read for some more insight. I even found one that discusses vocation.

So there you go!

Day 25

I was awake well before my alarm today. I did consider sleeping in, making this a day of rest, but I did not. I enjoyed the silence for half an hour and then got up, feed the cat, prayed, and meditated. I tried to watch the live-stream of the Mass today but I was way too distracted for it to be helpful for me. So I just had breakfast instead.

I read the online advice from our government on isolating when one is a close contact. Looks like that unless a test comes back positive, I can go outside provided I wear a mask. That is good news (in one way) since my parents (who have Covid) need more medication soon – not today. I am happy to drive there and help them out. But today I am staying inside, reading.

A theme has popped up again and again in my reading: God’s love as “eros”. Ok that might sound a little strange because we are conditioned to hear that word in a negative sense. But “eros” means to desire intimacy with another. And that is, above all, the aim of the Christian life: intimacy with Jesus. God desires intimacy with me and desires me to desire intimacy with him. Wow, too much desire!

There is way of seeing the above in Kierkegaardian terms: the movement of faith. Self-giving (love) leads to a desire for intimacy (love). Abraham surrenders Isaiah to receive him back.

Anyway!?

interior penance?

1430 Jesus’ call to conversion and penance, like that of the prophets before him, does not aim first at outward works, “sackcloth and ashes,” fasting and mortification, but at the conversion of the heart, interior conversion. Without this, such penances remain sterile and false; however, interior conversion urges expression in visible signs, gestures and works of penance.

1431 Interior repentance is a radical reorientation of our whole life, a return, a conversion to God with all our heart, an end of sin, a turning away from evil, with repugnance toward the evil actions we have committed. At the same time it entails the desire and resolution to change one’s life, with hope in God’s mercy and trust in the help of his grace. This conversion of heart is accompanied by a salutary pain and sadness which the Fathers called animi cruciatus (affliction of spirit) and compunctio cordis (repentance of heart)

Catechism of the Catholic Church

There is so much of the above to think about and meditate on. I like that penitence is interior looking for an external sign. So, being Anglican, “all may, some should, none most”. The importance is the conversion of the heart – the wholehearted turning to Jesus.

I have created a PDF for the Common Worship “The Reconciliation of a Penitent” which I think should work for Anglicans. I like that the Common Worship order has an Act of Contrition which is not there in other orders. (Happy to be corrected!)

Day 24 – COVID?

Am I the only person to be excited about isolating for Covid? I do not have it – I just did a test – but I am a close contact of someone who tested positive. Isolating is like normal life for me – prayer, meditate, and read. Food is no issue as I have enough for the week – I normally shop on Sundays. Being alone does not bother me – yes, sometimes I am lonely but with Jesus.

I was preparing to go to our parish Contemplative Prayer group when I received the text saying a close contact is positive. In the car I was wondering what was ahead for me? I have paper work to do that I have been putting off for a couple of days. Maybe I should write something for the local church paper? Or write a short story about something?

The really strange thing is that now I am alone by necessity rather than choice it feels very different. Maybe it is what anchorites felt after the door to the anchorhold was shut? Physical enclosure versus enclosure by choice. Maybe that is a topic for a short story?

Anyway, many prayers for all who are Covid positive, those who are isolating by necessity, and for all those who find it hard to be alone.

Day 23

Again up before my alarm – prayer, meditation. No streamed Mass today as I had to attend to something that was urgent. A little stressful and it took me out of the anchorhold but I used my car as a cell and just enjoyed the sights.

I have been thinking about creative writing, maybe in the “indirect communication” mode favoured by the early Kierkegaard. Creative writing, story-telling, with a purpose. Writing that moves individuals to action without being obvious about it. Is there such a thing?

Bible Study tonight! So better do something productive.

Day 22

I have a week of various meetings and family events. So I am hoping to spend some time today reading. I also have the Bible Study again this week – it has been on break. I had to force myself to look at next Sunday’s reading (Luke 10:38-42) but, as is usual, I found the work and Word very rewarding.

Yesterday before Mass – and I have decided to use that term – I had a great conversation with one of the retired priests of the parish. We share a lot of background (I want to write baggage but that you be unkind to the priest). I have been thinking about a few issues, and a few issues that God has placed on my heart, and I am amazed at how God works. Some will still need to work themselves out but I can see how there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I should emphasize that the “normal clergy” of the parish are amazing. They are caring, gracious, insightful, and, above all, faithful disciples of Jesus. This time of solitude – this experiment – has been the best thing in my life. I am already grieving about leaving.

So there it is! Freedom week has started.

Oh, I am trying vegan hotdogs today. I have been eating almost exclusively vegetarian but I really wanted some hot dogs. So pray for me!!!!