a fool

rule of life?

I have been thinking more and more about updating my Rule of Life. I have read a couple of books. But most of all I think I have found a vocation. I am not ready to share it yet but it is pretty strong at the moment.

So, I found the blog for one of the books I have been reading, Crafting a Rule of Life. I have been trying to find a PDF of the rule template so that I can work on it. But no luck so far!

I was wondering: do you have a formal rule of life you follow? I mean one that is worked out and written down? Most people have a rhythm to their spiritual life. But have you sat down and wrote it down?

Anyway, Day 99!

life changes so fast

I never used to get those “Trigger Warning” starts to social media posts. Yet, recently, I have become more aware of triggers in my life. And I finally get the warning. When I am alone I am better but various people and contexts trigger me in various ways. Mostly they make me doubt myself, feel anxious, and then depressed. Of course, that is the start of it.

So now I have a problem: I know the trigger so should I avoid the people and contexts? Or should I simply be aware that the trigger is on the way? Should I simply prepare for the trigger and hope for the best?

I know I need to stand up for myself – say things that I need to be said. I need to be open about triggers and open to people that trigger me. And not be defensive about being triggered. But I feel I have hurt someone whom I care about by being triggered. It is not personal but it makes it hard for me to be around that person.

My past has made me hypervigilant – I am always on the look out for being a disappointment and a burden to people. I read too much into people’s words and actions, and I need to stop double guessing every situation. The double guessing triggers me! I do feel the normal reaction people have to me is disappointment.

Today has been an interesting day. I read some spirituality that I really needed to read. It has put me on an interesting path. I spent time with some nice people. But I have also had to face a major trigger and now I am struggling.

Anyway, I pray your day has been good.

thinking and reading

I have spent the day thinking and reading. I have found an online book store, Grove Books, that has some interesting books on various topics. So on with the reading!

I think I have come to some conclusions about my life. Not sure if they will work out or even make sense to anyone else. But it is a context for me to explore more fully. More to come!

I have been posting for 97 days straight. So I will (hopefully) make it to 100 this week.

witnesses

I am always struck by other people’s faith. I feel my own is so small and limited – often more intellectualised than real – that I often envy how other people experience Jesus. I guess it is always easier looking in from the outside. And people tell you what they want you to hear. But I have seen real faith in my life – people living sacrificial love for Jesus and their neighbour.

But this morning it struck me: all these people are sent to me as a witness. A witness of what it means to follow Jesus. A witness of faithfulness. Not that they are better than me – which, of course, they are. But rather that I am not alone in this journey. I am not walking by myself. Yes, in the end, I give account for my life alone before the throne of grace. But at this very moment in time, I am given the strength of witnesses to Jesus.

tea for 1

I have a thing for tea. I used to drink coffee but it does not agree with my stomach. So I have become a complete teetotaller.

I found the above set and thought I would indulge in a cup of French Earl Grey. I simply love the aroma. Any day that starts with tea is going to be a good day.

SK and Oz

While this article, Kierkegaard and Australia’s sense of historical despair, is a little on the old side, it is an interesting read. Maybe one observation:

Kierkegaard’s idea of what it means to be an Australian would surely have matched his idea of what it meant to be a Christian—an idea that was far removed from what he saw around him, especially within the institution of the Danish State church.

Being a Christian is about a relationship with God in Jesus. That is hardly comparable to being an Australian? I think this illustrates one of the points about Kierkegaard that frustrates me most: he is above all a Christian, writing about being a Christian, alone before God. Some of his more philosophical work prepares the way for his Christian work which prepares the way for his “upbuilding work”.

Anyway, read the above.

love!

I like this quote. It sounds like something that SK would say. Or even Jesus! I have not read any Tolstoy but if that is a picture of him I like the beard and the hat!

things are changing …

I have decided to re-work the blog and podcast. So, in short, I am shelving the old podcast (I may use the feed occasionally) and starting a new podcast that will be more “discipleship focused”.

The podcast will be called “Let’s Talk About Jesus”. There is an Instagram and a Facebook page. And I have created a YouTube channel as well. I am hoping to include some interviews in the podcast. But simply to explore what it means to be a follower of Jesus today.

More information to come!

Day 94

So I have posted for 93 days straight. Without stopping or missing a day. But today I am out of ideas. I feel exhausted and emotionally drained and numb. So this is Day 94 – not very interesting!

the problem with authority

From the very beginning, I have stressed and repeated unchanged that I was ‘without authority.’ I regard myself rather as a reader of the books, not as the author. ‘Before God,’ religiously, I call my whole work as an author (when I speak with myself) my own upbringing and development, but not in the sense as if I were now complete or completely finished with respect to needing upbringing and development.
On My Work as an Author (1851)

The problem with authority is that you always are speaking on someone else’e behalf. I think SK understood that in the religious sense. I have come to appreciate that I am completely without authority.