List your top 5 grocery store items.
Oh wow! Tea, and tea, and maybe some tea, and lemon slice, and tea.
I like different types of tea but it has to be loose leaf. The routine is to make a fresh pot of tea in the morning and top it up with water during the day. So it is very strong in the morning and weaker in the evening.
I know that is not very exciting. And I get other items at the supermarket but I always check the tea specials first.
What cities do you want to visit?
I do not want to travel!!! I do not want to leave The Anchorage.
But if I were to travel I would like to see Copenhagen. I let you work out why.
Have you ever performed on stage or given a speech?
Yes, I have given a speech – a sermon. In fact, a number. I am not sure about performing on stage: I was once in a Year 6 play about the gold rush.
I find the idea of speaking to a large crowd a lot easier to face than speaking to an individual. Not as much instant feedback. In a modern context, it might be considered unusual to listen to a speech – we want instant entertainment and action. I know that I rarely watch a TV show (or the very occasional movie) all the way to the end. So when I speak I am always conscience of the fact that this is a somewhat strange thing. And, by the way, I am never happy with what I say.
Does that answer today’s prompt?
What are your favorite physical activities or exercises?
Does sleeping count?
Walking! I love my daily walk. I get to see the neighbourhood and the many people in the coffee shops. I can walk everywhere I need to go – church, shops, doctors, etc. Walking is meditation for me. I have been using an app on my phone to map my walks. The technology is so cool, especially when it maps my walk around the supermarket.
But I am always happy to get back home!
Who do you envy?
This one is super easy: everyone. People who can relate to other people, who can sing or play music, who can draw, who can talk to people, who are not so weird that people walk away from them, who know how to behave in a situation, who know etiquette, who know how to impart information without dominating, who know how to write or speak in proper sentences, who are not physically awkward and feel comfortable in their own bodies, and I could go on and on and on.
Sometimes (often!) I envy people who have no faith. Life would be a little easier as a heathen. I often envy people who are not dominated by their inside life who can just enjoy themselves. People who do not get stuck on an idea and cannot shake it. People who sleep without dreaming.
Maybe that is why green is my favourite colour at the moment.
Sorry that all sounds a little like a reverse slap on the back to myself. “Sorry I am not more intelligent/holy but I know I am much more intelligent/holy than you”.
What could you do less of?
I think the answer is pretty simple for me – feeling sad. It is still a regular part of my life. Not a part I rejoice in or celebrate. But it is part of me. To be honest, it helps when I have a solid plan for each day. Maybe what I could do less of is define myself by other people and what they expect of me? Or, maybe, I could stop feeling things so deeply?
Yes, I take medication. But the medication is not the answer – it only stops it from bubbling to the surface where it becomes uncontrollable. I have a general feeling of uselessness and being a “third wheel”. I no longer think about ending it. That is a positive!
I cannot change others, I can only change myself. So this is my problem and not someone else’s. I can try to escape into the arms of other people and hope they can fix it. But I have tried that and it was a disaster. I keep saying that everything will become clear but to be honest, I no longer believe that.
Sorry that is a little bit of a downer first thing. It is a positive that I know what my negative is?!
I am going to use the WordPress prompts for posts. So there is today’s:
Do you have a favorite place you have visited? Where is it?
I am going to be really corny and say, “my oratory”. It is right in the middle of The Anchorage. It is small and extremely hot or cold. It only has a kneeler, a chair, and an “altar”. It has candles but I rarely use them. The altar doubles as storage for some of my liturgical books and items. It also has “relics” – a few things that were given by people that have a special meaning for me. It has a crucifix that was given to me by my vicar when I moved in – it used to belong to the Society of the Sacred Advent. There is a very small book on the altar with all the people that I remember every day – my benefactors. I have a prayer bench that I use for my meditation time.
I use it to pray especially for saying the Hours. It is not very catholic in the Anglican sense. I have icons around The Anchorage but none in the oratory. I really like the silence when I pray. Sometimes I move into another room to pray, sometimes I go outside. But I always return to the oratory to say Compline.
So I am back online. And I am no longer positive for Covid-19 and starting to return to my awkward self.
I have decided to start walking again – for exercise. Today I walked to the shops to buy chocolate! The irony!!!!
Emotionally I think I am improving. Being sick really did not suit me. But I think it gave me space to look at things. There is no need to be too legalistic about things: I am not recreating a medieval form of life but trying to borrow some of the insights for a modern age. And I do actually enjoy the life.
I have been praying the 15 oes in the afternoon. Very English! Also very personal.
I am reading Going to Church in Medieval England – so far all money and sex. I did read The Stripping of the Altars: Traditional Religion in England, 1400-1580 and Marking the Hours – English People and their Prayers 1240–1570 both by Eamon Duffy. The second is a beautiful book full of illustrations. For me, the point is that what I assume is not always true when it is related to these topics. People did not pray in the past like people pray today.
Anyway …
I am sick! I took a Covid test yesterday that was negative but today’s test was positive. Nothing much will change in my life – I remain alone, looking after myself, with only Fred for company.
Many people have offered help. I am so very thankful. I knew I would get sick sometime and I have been wondering how I might cope. While I have not been able to pray as much as I like, I am going okay.
Anyway …
I thought I better add a quick post.
I have moved, I have settled in, I have no internet! That is about the situation. I am using the data on my phone. On a positive. I am not endlessly browsing the net to look up random facts. (Yes, I do that all the time.)
Beside that (and to be honest, it is the only problem I have) life is very nice. I pray, I read, I meditate. I have gone to two sessions of meditation a day that brings me almost to an hour a day. I have settled into a routine with food – no sugary drinks for two weeks.
I have a session of silence each day and two days of complete silence. I sit and listen to the birds on the roof and read a book. I am trying to be as environmentally sensitive as I can. Simplicity is maybe the third ‘S’ of solitary.
I guess the real victory (if there is such a thing) is that I am sleeping really well. I still wake in the night. But now I use that time to pray for people. Maybe it is God’s way to move me to pray for particular people?
I was prayed for by the parish last Sunday and then The Anchorage was blessed. It was very overwhelming. So I will have to write about it another day. It felt so right!
So a small update has become an essay! I am planning a podcast – Sunday Night @ The Anchorage. Anyway …
a fool and his prayer book 