Category: SolitaryLife

being me?

Today, in Australia, is a public holiday for the Queen’s Birthday. So in honour of Her Royal Majesty, I have been watching the UK version of Humans. It is based on Swedish series called Real Humans.

In short, AI (called “synths” in the show) becoming conscious – feeling, thinking, and living in freedom. They embody various human traits – caring, agression, “philosopher”, etc. I like the way the UK does TV!

While the consciousness theme is fascinating, I have been struck by a question repeated throughout the series: “what is it like to be you?”. Of course, there is no answer because there is no point of reference. The question illustrates Existential Loneliness – only I know what it is like to be me. And the quote on my email signature comes to mind:

The formula that describes the state of the self when despair is completely rooted out is this: in relating itself to itself and in willing to be itself, the self rests transparently in the power that established it.

SUD

I feel like a large part of modern life is all about avoiding the question or escaping into “false answers”. (Doesn’t Merton write about that in No Man is An Island?) So the most important question in my life, who am I?, has to be faced alone before God. I can try to give an answer to others. But there is absolutely no need to justifiy myself to others – my beliefs or my actions. There is only One to whom I must answer – “the power that established me”. In the end I have to answer to my Creator by being “me”. I have to hold in tension the various aspects of my life – freedom and necessaity are at the top of my life at the moment.

So may the Heart of Jesus have mercy on you today!

oh heart of Jesus

… my heart, where I am whatsoever I am

Augustine, Confessions 10.3.4

I have been reading a book about devotion to the sacred heart. A modern book with little of the kitch and sentimentally of books of an earlier era. Just to say that the devotion to the heart of Jesus pre-dates the Reformation.

The first chapters look at the image of the heart and quote the above from Augustine. And it got me thinking: if “I am whatsoever I am” in my heart, is that true for Jesus?

openly in secret?

Yesterday’s sermon was about the Inbetween Times. It made me think of the monastic/religious life – a choice/vocation to inhabit the in-between times with purpose. And that made me think of this quote by the “the charismatic evangelical” Archbishop of Canterbury:

Life in Religion is the ultimate wager on the existence of God. The church should always be engaged in doing things that make no sense if God does not exist.

Most Revd Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury

The above is written for the Anglican Religious Life Year Book so when it speaks of “life in religion” it is about monastic life. And the reason most forms of contemplative life are so unknowable to modern society is because it is the “ultimate wager” and “makes no sense” without God.

I have also been thinking that the absolute relationship to the absolute telos should be lived openly in secret. “Enclosed in plain sight”, for a modern anchorite. A complete commitment to Jesus who lives in my heart and I in his. But without the outward trappings of the monastic life – habit and a change of name.

Surrender to Jesus

Lord Jesus Christ,
I surrender today to you.

I give myself to you as a living sacrifice,
my soul and body,
my entire being.

I give to you all my thoughts, words and deeds,
all my sufferings and labours,
all my hopes and joys.
Above all, I give to you my heart
so that I may love only you
and be consumed in the fire of your love.

I place my trust in your infinite mercy.
I place within your hands all my cares and anxieties.
And I promise you my love and service.

Do with me what you will, my Jesus.
I desire only you.

Heart of Jesus, I surrender myself to you,
be my everything.

the goal?

The formula that describes the state of the self when despair is completely rooted out is this: in relating itself to itself and in willing to be itself, the self rests transparently in the power that established it.

Sickness unto Death

I am having a bizarre week emotionally. It started with a bump and bounced around a lot. It is living on the threshold. I admit I have used some of my “emergency medication”. It all feels like Indiana Jones running from the bolder at the start of Raiders. I have an overwhelming sense of doom.

So I have been reading some Kierkegaard – my go-to author in times of trouble. The Sickness unto Death has not been a book I have read a lot. But I was struck, reading it, by the above paragraph. Especially the final phrase, “the self rests transparently in the power that established it”. The balancing act of life is about openly resting in God. I think a case could be made of the religious life being about this “transparency”.