sleep …

I did not sleep well. I had nightmares all night. And they were extremely vivid. I was having an argument with someone – maybe a discussion I should have in real life. The people in my dream were people who have hurt me or supported me recently.

Sleep for me is a “hit and miss” endeavour. Sometimes I can sleep really well but often I have vivid nightmares that leave me emotionally exhausted when I wake. I have woken with tears on my pillow. The dreams often follow me into my day. And the dream becomes part of my reality.

So I will try to be me today even with the emotional weight of the nightmare. I will try to simply be!

I am grateful …

I am grateful to Christ Jesus our Lord, who has strengthened me, because he judged me faithful and appointed me to his service, even though I was formerly a blasphemer, a persecutor, and a man of violence. But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief, and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus. The saying is sure and worthy of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the foremost. But for that very reason I received mercy, so that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display the utmost patience, making me an example to those who would come to believe in him for eternal life. To the King of the ages, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen.

1 Timothy 1:12-17

Paul writes about his journey to Jesus. How is was far away but Jesus’ love overflowed for him. And he summarises it all but saying, “I am grateful to Christ Jesus our Lord”.

I am anxious about the coming week. I am not sure what is going to happen. But, like Paul, I am grateful to Jesus.

sin – part 2

No, the test in which this woman is tried is: to love her Saviour more than her sin.

Kierkegaard, Søren. Discourses at the Communion on Fridays, 114

I like SK’s Communion Discourses. They are good spiritual reading. He mixes his various geners into these “talks”.

I have been thinking about the above quote from a discourse on Luke 7:47, “Therefore, I tell you, her sins, which were many, have been forgiven; hence she has shown great love. But the one to whom little is forgiven, loves little”. I will leave the quote for you to meditate on.

Kierkegaard and Batman

Full comic: https://existentialcomics.com/comic/61

I have been thinking of rewatching Christopher Nolan‘s Batman series. I have enjoyed them in the past and, since we are back in lockdown, I have a little spare time. And Existentialist Comics has a great comic on the connection between Kierkegaard and Batman.

A movie is an experience. I think we sometimes over look the depth of some movies. I like the no-brainer movies too. But there are movies that make people think and, I think, the church should acknowledge that and work with it rather than against it. I think Jesus (and most certainly Kierkegaard) would use examples from modern movies to illustrate His points.

I have always thought that the three Nolan Batman movies had much philosophical depth. And I really like Batman as a superhero. So I did a quick Google and found this: The Dark Knight: Why So Existential? The post draws some very good connections with Fear and Trembling. It is well worth a read!

I might write more about Batman as I make my way through the movies.

sin?

… when [the Advocate] comes, he will prove the world wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment: about sin, because they do not believe in me; about righteousness, because I am going to the Father and you will see me no longer; about judgment, because the ruler of this world has been condemned.

John 16:8-11

The Holy Spirit will “prove the world wrong about sin, because they do not believe in me”. Kierkegaard would point out that sin here is the opposite of faith. I would dare to say that sin and faith are two sides of one coin we call “relationship”. One side is a relationship with Jesus we call faith, the other is a broken relationship with Jesus we call sin. Both express themselves in action but that is only a symptom: the relationship is the real issue. So sin is more about being outside of Jesus than having something missing within.

In the mission of the church, in the proclamation of Jesus, the way the individual sees “sin” is central – only thing more important is what the individual says about Jesus. I think we sometimes fall into an idea of sin that is too much like a law-court and too focused on actions. The reality is that the actions follow the relationship and everything done apart from Jesus is sin – even a great good.

I have to acknowledge that I live with both in my life. I try to have a relationship with Jesus but often my brokenness and distance from Jesus shows itself in my actions. And when I am honest about that tension in my life I am always driven back to Jesus as my Saviour.

hearts on fire

What is the goal of Christian mission? I sometimes feel that some mission activity is more about being validated. Or, and much much worse, the objectification of individuals as “bums on seats”. Without a clear aim, how can Christianity reach out for Jesus?

Maybe mission is about providing people with information about Jesus? Logical, rational, and apologetic discussion on Jesus. And individuals, based on that information, make a decision to follow Jesus or not. I have information about a number of topics, none of which make any difference in my life. If the information does not change me, does not challenge me to change, is that information really the goal of mission? Yes, information is part of the process but it is not the end.

I think the Road to Emmaus (Luke 24) is a good example of what Christianity should aim for in mission: an experience of Jesus. After the two travelled with Jesus, talked to Him, and even had “communion” with Him, their experience is much deeper than any of those things:

Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him; and he vanished from their sight. They said to each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he was talking to us on the road, while he was opening the scriptures to us?”

Luke 24:31-32

What does the “Jesus experience” feel like? “Our hearts burning within us”. An experience that transcends words and even emotions. A mystical experience of the presence of the Eternal in Jesus:

One definition is that a mystical experience is one in which you feel filled with God’s presence in an intense and unmistakable way. Or you feel “lifted up” from the normal way of seeing things. Or you are simply overwhelmed with the sense of God in a way that seems to transcend your own understanding. …

Needless to say, these experiences are hard to put into words. It’s the same as trying to describe the first time you fell in love, or held your newborn child in your arms, or saw the ocean for the first time. But just because they are difficult to explain doesn’t mean that they’re not real, or authentic.

Everyday Mysticism

The problem, for the modern mind, is that an experience can not be quantified. But that is the paradox of Christianity and faith in Jesus. It is about a life more than information. It is about an experience that transforms me and the way I see the world around me.