Asides

we need martyrs

What the age needs is not a genius — it has had geniuses enough, but a martyr, who in order to teach men to obey would [themselves] be obedient unto death. What the age needs is awakening. And therefore someday, not only my writings but my whole life, all the intriguing mystery of the machine will be studied and studied. I never forget how God helps me and it is therefore my last wish that everything may be to his honour.

Journal, Nov 20, 1847 (modified)

I really like that quote. I like the idea of the world needing martyrs. And I like the idea that I have to be willing to die for what I believe in. Yes, martyrs who follow Jesus to the cross.

building up

So I write these things while I am away from you, so that when I come, I may not have to be severe in using the authority that the Lord has given me for building up and not for tearing down.

2 Corinthians 13:10

I really like the above quote from Paul. I want to work in the Holy Spirit for “building up”. The opposite is “tearing down” which is not of the Spirit. It is true in our personal life too – tearing down is not of the Spirit.

I pray I can be part of the “building up”!

excuses and evasions

What an individual is capable of may be measured by how far his understanding is from his willing. What a person can understand he must also be able to make himself will. Between understanding and willing lie the excuses and evasions.

Søren Kierkegaard, The Journals (1846)

I read this SK quote online. So it does not have a detailed source attached to it – a personal gripe. But I like the last sentence: between thinking and doing are excuses. People know what the right thing to do is but they evade it with excuses (not reasons). It illustrates again that there is a qualitative difference between knowing and doing.

stress

I have been thinking about stress. And what things trigger my stress! Often, for me, it has to do with uncertainty and sense of losing control. I get a feeling in my stomach that simply will not go away.

Currently I am sitting in the car, reading, and waiting for my parents who have gone to a medical appointment. My dad has had some health issues and I am glad I can be of serve to them. And I like that I get out of the house, especially in lockdown. The sun is out and I have music.

I am hoping to have a day of doing nothing much. Well, actually, I am hoping of doing some things that I want to do. I really want to work on my Rule of Life and I have a book I would like to read about the process. I am hoping for some clarity about things in my own mind. At the moment I feel very disempowered by the system which is not helping my mental health.

Really not much else to write!!

hearts on fire

What is the goal of Christian mission? I sometimes feel that some mission activity is more about being validated. Or, and much much worse, the objectification of individuals as “bums on seats”. Without a clear aim, how can Christianity reach out for Jesus?

Maybe mission is about providing people with information about Jesus? Logical, rational, and apologetic discussion on Jesus. And individuals, based on that information, make a decision to follow Jesus or not. I have information about a number of topics, none of which make any difference in my life. If the information does not change me, does not challenge me to change, is that information really the goal of mission? Yes, information is part of the process but it is not the end.

I think the Road to Emmaus (Luke 24) is a good example of what Christianity should aim for in mission: an experience of Jesus. After the two travelled with Jesus, talked to Him, and even had “communion” with Him, their experience is much deeper than any of those things:

Then their eyes were opened, and they recognized him; and he vanished from their sight. They said to each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he was talking to us on the road, while he was opening the scriptures to us?”

Luke 24:31-32

What does the “Jesus experience” feel like? “Our hearts burning within us”. An experience that transcends words and even emotions. A mystical experience of the presence of the Eternal in Jesus:

One definition is that a mystical experience is one in which you feel filled with God’s presence in an intense and unmistakable way. Or you feel “lifted up” from the normal way of seeing things. Or you are simply overwhelmed with the sense of God in a way that seems to transcend your own understanding. …

Needless to say, these experiences are hard to put into words. It’s the same as trying to describe the first time you fell in love, or held your newborn child in your arms, or saw the ocean for the first time. But just because they are difficult to explain doesn’t mean that they’re not real, or authentic.

Everyday Mysticism

The problem, for the modern mind, is that an experience can not be quantified. But that is the paradox of Christianity and faith in Jesus. It is about a life more than information. It is about an experience that transforms me and the way I see the world around me.

kenotic love

I have been feeling the absence of a friend in the last few days. The interaction, conversation, and intimacy of friendship. The friendship was not perfect and did not end well. My depression and anxiety, and my not facing them, did not help. But it was a long friendship with many shared experiences.

Sometimes life calls us to give up something good for a greater good. A sacrifice of love, surrender to Jesus. An emptying that is fundamental to following Jesus who “emptied himself, taking the form of a slave, being born in human likeness”.

I had an insight this morning: Jesus calls me His friend so I need to learn to call Jesus my friend. Look for the intimacy, interaction, and conversation with Jesus rather than a human being. Friendship with a human being is a great good given to us by God. But “friendship with Jesus” is a greater good. So: spend more time with Jesus – pray! – and more time in serving others. More time to be a follower rather than an admirer. Make Jesus my friend.