Author: a fool

All alone with Jesus

white martyrdom

Today the Church remembers that some who follow Jesus are called to white martyrdom. Holy anchorites, pray for us.

Merciful Lord, we beseech thee to cast thy bright beams of light upon thy Church, that it being enlightened by the doctrine of thy blessed Apostle and Evangelist Saint John may so walk in the light of thy truth, that it may at length attain to the light of everlasting life; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Jesus said unto Peter, Follow me. Then Peter, turning about, seeth the disciple whom Jesus loved following; which also leaned on his breast at supper, and said, Lord, which is he that betrayeth thee? Peter seeing him saith to Jesus, Lord, and what shall this man do? Jesus saith unto him, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? Follow thou me. Then went this saying abroad among the brethren, That that disciple should not die: yet Jesus said not unto him, He shall not die; but, If I will that he tarry till I come, what is that to thee? This is the disciple which testifieth of these things, and wrote these things, and we know that his testimony is true. And there are also many other things which Jesus did, the which if they should be written every one, I suppose, that even the world itself could not contain the books that should be written.

The Gospel: St. John 21.19-end

“follow me”

The day after The Nativity of Our Lord is not Boxing Day but Saint Stephen’s Day. And there is a good reason. Here are the Collect from the BCP and the gospel:

Grant, O Lord, that in all our sufferings here upon earth, for the testimony of thy truth, we may stedfastly look up to heaven, and by faith behold the glory that shall be revealed; and, being filled with the Holy Ghost, may learn to love and bless our persecutors by the example of thy first Martyr Saint Stephen, who prayed for his murderers to thee, O blessed Jesus, who standest at the right hand of God to succour all those that suffer for thee, our only Mediator and Advocate. Amen.

Behold, I send unto you prophets, and wise men, and scribes; and some of them ye shall kill and crucify; and some of them shall ye scourge in your synagogues, and persecute them from city to city; that upon you may come all the righteous blood shed upon the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel unto the blood of Zacharias, son of Barachias, whom ye slew between the temple and the altar. Verily I say unto you, All these things shall come upon this generation. O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not! Behold, your house is left unto you desolate. For I say unto you, Ye shall not see me henceforth, till ye shall say, Blessed is he that cometh in the Name of the Lord.

St. Matthew 23.34-end

Following Jesus is not all songs, candles, and food. S. Stephen reminds us that Jesus, who said, “Follow me”, went to the Cross.

nativity eve

According to the Book of Common Prayer, the eve of The Nativity of our Lord is a vigil that is also a day of fasting and abstinence. So what does that mean? Glad you asked.

I am not sure if there is an official definition of the terms. For me, it means that no full meal or meat before First Evensong. So, in reality, I do not eat before Evensong. And, to be honest, that is not a huge thing. But it reminds me that the wood of the manger is also the wood of the cross.

First Evensong, according to Ritual Notes, should not be said before 2:00 pm.

So, blessing Vigil!!!!

institutionalism

What man of you, having an hundred sheep, if he lose one of them, doth not leave the ninety and nine in the wilderness, and go after that which is lost, until he find it?

Luke 15:4

God leaves the institution to find the individual. Do I escape into the institution to ignore the individual? What happens when people do not fit into my “box”?

What do the “99” think of the “1”?

Day 7 – all good

So, I tested again this morning, and I am all clear. Back to normal – or not!?

I said Morning Prayer from the Book of Common Prayer this morning in my chapel. I forgot how meaningful (to me!) the words and actions are. A very blessed start to the day. No insight – apart from the Melbourne Stars are a really bad T20 side. I will need to shop today for some food, but I might wait.

Blessed Feast of S. Thomas, Ember Saturday in Advent, and Summer Solstice.

Ember Friday in Advent

STIR up, we beseech thee, O Lord, thy power, and come among us: that we, who put our trust and confidence in thy mercy, may speedily be delivered from all our adversities; who livest and reignest with the Father, in the unity of the Holy Ghost, ever one God, world without end. Amen.

A day of fasting and abstinence in the BCP.

Day 6 – recovery?

Day 6, and I think I am back to normal – whatever that may mean. I am unsure what I did yesterday – did I read or dance? Anyway, here is a thought for the day.

During this version of a COVID lockdown, I learned that I have an issue with “the church” as a whole and not individuals. Yes, that sounds like Kierkegaard and maybe he is the driving force in my thinking. And the problem is not the institution but rather the emphasis people place on the institution. The modern church has replaced the individual before God with a collection of congregational members called to follow a faceless organisation. There is no accountability to God for my actions but rather an urging to conform. In more philosophical terms, I wonder if the modern world, post-scientific revolution, is stuck in actuality. And the institution of the “church” is living without hope.

Anyway! Maybe a fever-induced hallucination?

read and dance

Daily writing prompt
What was the last thing you did for play or fun?
View all responses

I want to say, sleep. But that is a little boring and, in my case, predictable.

I read Kafka’s The Castle – that was super fun. It made me laugh, wonder, and cry. It was an escape into a different world that is a lot like my world. Also I watched Veep – that always makes me laugh. Especially when Gary goes to a vegan dinner and asks how many beans are in the soup. And it is good for my anxiety as I have watched it so often.

Play?! I danced to very loud techno, with my headphones on so no one could hear, in my dark room so no one could see, and with my eyes closed so I could feel the beat.

old Prayer Books

What to do with your old 1662 BCP that your grandfather used? Or, that BCP that was gifted at your confirmation?

With the change in worship books among Anglicans, I am seeing more BCPs in Op Shops. That is a shame! For a past generation, these were their daily spiritual food – they were daily prayer. More, old Prayer Books are often dedicated to someone as a gift. That makes me feel sad!! Yes, maybe these people have given up on the worship of God, but the people of God have not stopped praying for them.

Well, do not throw your old Prayer Books away! Do not recycle them! Do not take them to the Op Shop to be sold for 20 cents – yes, I paid that much for one. See my new Prayer Book Project. Send me your old Prayer Books and I will pray for the person to whom it is gifted. Or I will pray for a person whom you want to be remembered. Or I will pray for you.