Author: a fool

All alone with Jesus

Day 5 – freedom

I am feeling better! I spent too much time on the phone yesterday – settling things for next year. So I am hoping for a relaxed day.

I like being alone. I like the freedom. So, this COVID isolation is a freedom for me. It is the lesson for this all – sometimes, things just happen for the best, even when I think it is terrible. (Sorry, that is very fatalistic – amor fati.)

I read a little yesterday – The Hammer of God by Giertz and English Spirituality by Thornton. The Hammer of God is a novel to which I am returning. Every time I pick a new side. Thornton is quickly becoming my favourite Anglican author, who has put some of my thinking into a larger context. (Also, I think his analysis of the Anglican context is very apt.)

Anyway …

serious personal guidance

At the time Thornton wrote his book, Anglican laity regularly complained that the clergy of the day were not properly equipped to give their flocks “serious personal guidance” in matters of the faith. Lay people believed their parish priests were “excellent and dedicated men, but they were uninterested, or frankly incompetent,” in this kind of work. 

The Ascetical Theology of Augustine and the Book of Common Prayer, Mike Michelin

Today?

Ember Days

I am somewhat obsessed with the Ember Days. In the Book of Common Prayer (1662), the Advent ember days are the Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday after S. Lucy Day (13 December). These are listed as days of fasting and abstinence. And:

Then the Curate shall declare unto the people what Holy-days, or Fasting-days, are in the week following to be observed. And then also (if occasion be) shall notice be given of the Communion; and Briefs, Citations, and Excommunications read.

Excommunications! Wow! That would be interesting. Anyway, here is the Collect from the Book of Divine Worship (which, I think, is also the Collect in The English Missal)::

Ember Wednesday in Advent

GRANT, we beseech thee, Almighty God: that the coming festival of our redemption may obtain for us the comfort of thy succour in this life, and in the life to come the reward of eternal felicity; through Jesus Christ thy Son our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee, in the unity of the Holy Ghost, ever one God, world without end. Amen.

Day 4 – forgetting

Another day, another sleep. If only there was an Olympic medal for sleeping.

I did read more of The Castle, a little of The Five Wounds of Jesus by Williams, and I had a really good browse through the St Gegory Prayer Book. I had all these crazy insights that I have since forgotten. Forgetting! It is an interesting topic. S. Augustine speaks of it in The Confessions. The fact that I can remember not remembering.Perhaps just losing my mind?!

I ate yesterday – a major step forward. I made arrangements for next year. And I did manage to catch a little of the cricket between naps.

marks of the Passion

One night the devil appeared to St Martin [of Tours] crowned with gold and gems, and in a magnificent vestment sparkling with jewels. ‘I am come in judgement’, he said, ‘Adore me.’ ‘Where’, asked Martin, ‘are the mark of the nails, the piercing of the spear, the crown of thorns? When I see the marks of the Passion I shall adore the Lord’. The devil disappeared.

carthusian seelsorge

To the poor of the world we give bread or whatever else our resources afford or goodwill suggests: we rarely receive them under our roof but instead send them to find lodgings in the village. For it is not for the temporal care of the bodies of our neighbours that we have fled to this desert, but for the eternal salvation of our souls. Therefore it is not surprising if we give more friendship and assistance to those who come here for the sake of their souls than to those who come for the sake of their bodies.

Day 3

Another day! Nearly halfway through this period of isolation. And, to be honest, if I was not sick, this would be heaven.

Yesterday, I did manage to read. I read parts of Kafka’s The Castle, which I had not read before, some of Kierkegaard’s Two Ages and Sickness unto Death, and a little of I am Dynamite. Kafka is always interesting, as he is just so weird, and the two Kierkegaard books pick up the same themes. But I know how K. feels!

And I slept. I tried to listen to the cricket and slept through most of the play. (I was awake for the rain delay!)

Tomorrow is Ember Wednesday in Advent, so I hope to return to praying liturgically. My food order should arrive today, and I have started some beans in the slow cooker – my staple for most days. I did eat a little yesterday. What is it with me and food? Also, today is not as hot as yesterday.

I do not have a title for this post. No insights yesterday. Well, there were but they are private at the moment. Have a super blessed day!

eucharist?

They used to say of Mark the Egyptian that he remained for thirty years never coming out of his cell. The priest was in the habit of coming and celebrating the holy Eucharist for him.

Abba Macarius the Egyptian once came from Scete to the Mount of Nitria for the Eucharist of Abba Pambo.

The elder [Matoes] used to say: “I have faith in God that I do not have much to answer for on account of the ordination, since I do not offer the Eucharist.

Abba Macarius once visited Abba Antony then came back to Scete when he had spoken with him. The fathers came to meet him and, as they were speaking, the elder said to them: “I told Abba Antony that we do not have the Eucharist in our place.”

Day 2 – adjust

Yesterday was Day 2 of my Covid isolation. This is the first time I have missed Sunday Mass in a long time. I slept, listened to the cricket, and then slept some more. I would like to be able to read or do something constructive. But at the moment, all I can do is sleep. (At least I am good at one thing!)

It was strange not to go to church. But it was also a relief – no stress or anxiety. I am hoping that I might be able to take a permanent step back and just attend occasionally. Adjust!

That is the word for this week, adjust. My strict routine has been turned upside down. I have no energy to cook so I have not eaten much. (Ok, that is not unusual for me.)

Today will be hot – into the 40C in some areas of the state. So, hide with the air-conditioning on. On top of that, I think I have a fever (which I had last time I had Covid), and my medication makes me sweat. And I really dislike being hot. (Entendre!)

I have been unable to pray, apart from calls for Jesus to return. But today might be different. Live in possibility! I will have a cup of coffee and sit up for a bit. And then reconsider and adjust!