when life moves on …

This day (liturgically) last year was a complete disaster. I think Holy Week last year was about as low as I have been.

This year has been a little different but I still feel the absence of people.

Yesterday I sat outside and read some Thomas Merton. I have not read any Merton for a long time – maybe a year or so. I used to be in love with him and the type of freedom that he proclaimed.

Well, yesterday, when I sat and read him, I was somewhat disappointed. I found him very restrictive. And, at times, very old fashioned. Maybe it is because he was Roman Catholic? Or maybe because he embraced vowed monastic life? I was struck by how his writings are rather simplistic in that all the questions are answered by obedience. Very Benedticine! There is a sense, in my present state of mind, that for him life is about surrendering your will and by that becoming your true self.

Anyway, I was struck by how life moves on and changes. The things of primary importance yesterday, are no longer at the front of the line.

John 15

15 “I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinegrower. 2 He removes every branch in me that bears no fruit. Every branch that bears fruit he prunes to make it bear more fruit. 3 You have already been cleansed by the word that I have spoken to you. 4 Abide in me as I abide in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me. 5 I am the vine, you are the branches. Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing. 6 Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers; such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned. 7 If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. 8 My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples. 9 As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. 10 If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. 11 I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete.
12 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command you. 15 I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father. 16 You did not choose me but I chose you. And I appointed you to go and bear fruit, fruit that will last, so that the Father will give you whatever you ask him in my name. 17 I am giving you these commands so that you may love one another.

Buber

The deed involves a sacrifice and a risk. The sacrifice: infinite possibility is surrendered on the altar of the form; all that but a moment ago floated playfully through one’s perspective has to be exterminated; none of it may penetrate into the work; the exclusiveness of such a confrontation demands this. The risk: the basic word can only be spoken with one’s whole being; whoever commits himself may not hold back part of himself; and the work does not permit me, as a tree or man might, to seek relaxation in the It-world; it is imperious: if I do not serve it properly, it breaks, or it breaks me.

I and Thou

I have been reading Buber’s I and Thou. I have always thought of it as a book beyond me – it is way too philosophical for me to get near it. But I am very much enjoying and finding it very upbuilding. I feel like it is the flip-side of Kierkegaard’s Single Individual – my relationship to others and to God as You.

Anyway, I thought the above quote was worth reproducing here.

for me?

Christ is no play-actor, if I may say it this soberly; neither is he a merely historical person, since as the paradox he is an extremely unhistorical person. But this is the difference between poetry and actuality: contemporaneity. The difference between poetry and history is surely this, that history is what actually happened, whereas poetry is the possible, the imagined, the poetized. But that which has actually happened (the past) is still not, except in a certain sense (namely, in contrast to poetry), the actual. The qualification that is lacking—which is the qualification of truth (as inwardness) and of all religiousness is—for you. The past is not actuality—for me. Only the contemporary is actuality for me. That with which you are living simultaneously is actuality—for you. Thus every human being is able to become contemporary only with the time in which he is living—and then with one more, with Christ’s life upon earth, for Christ’s life upon earth, the sacred history, stands alone by itself, outside history.

Practice in Christianity

time?

I was thinking, during the night, about my experience of time. When I am running late for something, it races. When I am waiting for something, it drags. Time does not change, my experience of it does.

So I was thinking about meditation and how, at times, it can drag. And why? For me, the silence becomes overwhelming when I think of something I have to do. I want to get up and do it straight away. So I start planning in my head what I have to do, when and how I will do it. And then the process becomes one of waiting for the bell to give me the freedom to “do”.

The other side of meditation, for me, is the moment of quiet and peace. It is for these moments that I persist. It is the now that continues into eternity. A moment with Jesus. These moments are often short but my experience of them is very different. And this experience of Jesus, of the now in eternity, is why I persist. I do not seek freedom to “do” but simply want to remain – I want to be with Jesus.

Anyway, an uphill day ahead. Already struggling with life and just more of the same to heap on top.

holy monday?

It is Holy Monday and I should have something “holy” to say. But I do not! Whether it is the weather, the season, or simply MDD, I am struggling to function. The total of my engagement in life is sitting and looking out the window. Last year’s Holy Week was a disaster for me with a “resurrection” on Easter Sunday. I remember spending Palm Sunday sitting on the beach crying uncontrollably. Yet I had a deep insight during the sermon on Easter Day about my life. I am not expecting an insight. And the situation is very different this year.

I have been thinking about “change”. There are many talking heads on the TV (which I rarely watch) that proclaim our need for change on this or that issue and how our government needs to facilitate that change. Many groups in the church proclaim a need for change or things will be dire. But real change only happens when the “I” changes. I cannot expect others to change to make things better. Worst of all, I cannot expect others to change to make my life better. I must change! And live as a witness to that change. Jesus brings real change. He brings change to my life and I must live that change.

So there is my not-so-holy insight for today. I will return to looking out the window!

emptied?

I just wanted to comment on the previous post. In the Greek verse 7 looks like this:

ἀλλὰ ἑαυτὸν ἐκένωσεν μορφὴν δούλου λαβών, ἐν ὁμοιώματι ἀνθρώπων γενόμενος: καὶ σχήματι εὑρεθεὶς ὡς ἄνθρωπος

Phil 2:7

The root of the verb used for the action, “emptied”, is κενόω:

1) to empty, make empty
1a) of Christ, he laid aside equality with or the form of God
2) to make void
2a) deprive of force, render vain, useless, of no effect
3) to make void
3b) cause a thing to be seen to be empty, hollow, false

The Wikipedia article is not too bad.

In John of the Cross’s thinking, kenosis is the concept of the ‘self-emptying’ of one’s own will and becoming entirely receptive to God and the divine will. It is used both as an explanation of the Incarnation, and an indication of the nature of God’s activity and will. Mystical theologian John of the Cross’ work “Dark Night of the Soul” is a particularly lucid explanation of God’s process of transforming the believer into the icon or “likeness of Christ”.

So what does it mean that Jesus “emptied himself”? And what does that mean for me in terms of my life?