I am going to belabour a point and say it again. Happiness (if it exists) does not come from outside of me. In a world of production, likes and hites, happiness is me being me. It never comes from outside of me but only in the realisation that I am me and that is more than enough.
And, tbh, I am very far away!
I am not sure this is a skill but I would like to take my own advice. I would love to actually live my life according to my own standards. And the most important one is that I should stop looking outside of me for value. No community, no institution, and no person will ever give me value when I do not value myself. The impossible dream!
Or maybe play a musical instrument or be able to draw? Or maybe swimming?
For example, when asked, “What did Jesus do to save you?” many Christians will immediately answer something like, “He died on the Cross to pay the price for my sins.” Yet the idea that God the Father required repayment from Jesus to satisfy humanity’s debt to God has not always been a Christian teaching. It is also not the only way to think about salvation in Jesus Christ. This atonement model developed in the West on a trajectory from the teachings of Anselm, an eleventh-century Roman Catholic bishop. The so-called satisfaction model of Anselm has not held sway in the Orthodox Church for several reasons, including that Orthodox theology is not transactional in nature (e.g., there are not even “vows” or promises in the Orthodox Sacrament of Holy Matrimony). The main reason, however, is that a sharp and narrow focus on the Cross obscures all that the Son of God has accomplished for His fallen creation. In an Orthodox worldview, the full scope of what Jesus Christ has done must also include His Incarnation, His Resurrection, and even Pentecost.
A Basic Guide to Eastern Orthodox Theology, 29
A term with lower status in the Orthodox world is theologoumenon. The word shares the same root as “theology” but has a different technical meaning. A theologoumenon is a pious belief or individual opinion that may or may not be true and cannot be substantiated.
A Basic Guide to Eastern Orthodox Theology, 17
How have I grown this year? I do not feel I have, There is, however, one thing which I realised that make a difference in my life.
There is no standard for growth. There is no abstraction against which my growth is measured. In fact, there are few standards against which I am measured. Or, to put it another way, there is no institutional answer for a personal question. The last virtue of a modern world is conformity – and the greatest sin. Looking for anything outside of me is going to disappoint. I stand alone before God.
There is, for me, a deep difference between longing and expectation.
In expectation, there is a demand – a standing in line, impatiently wondering, When will the line move?
In longing, there is a request – and a willingness to wait.
The waiting itself becomes a connection. When I truly ask – when my longing is genuine – I am open. Open even to pain, open even to disappointment.
This is living in the full force of life.
But when I am in expectation, I am demanding: The experience must come to pass! Do not disturb me now!
Ragen, Akiva ; רגן, עקיבא. The Secret of the Encounter: An existential interpretation of the book ‘I and Thou’ by Martin Buber, 8-9.
A particular individual can take the lead in an insurrection, but no particular individual can take the lead in leveling, for then he would, after all, become the commander and escape the leveling. Particular individuals may contribute to leveling, each in his own little group, but leveling is an abstract power and is abstraction’s victory over individuals. In modern times leveling is reflection’s correlative to fate in antiquity. The dialectic of antiquity was oriented to the eminent (the great individual—and then the crowd; one free man, and then the slaves); at present the dialectic of Christianity is oriented to representation (the majority perceive themselves in the representative and are liberated by the awareness that he is representing them in a kind of self-consciousness). The dialectic of the present age is oriented to equality, and its most logical implementation, albeit abortive, is leveling, the negative unity of the negative mutual reciprocity of individuals.
Two Ages, 84
What is something you wish you could tell your 20-year-old self?
Control what you have the power to control. And let the rest look after itself. Especially people – they make their own mistakes.
Do not worry what other people think or do – you do “you”! And do not let the “maybe” outcome stop you!
a fool and his prayer book 